Saturday, 15 September 2012

Why Cuddly Toy Cats are Better than Real Cats

I've noticed one of the things that divides humans more than most is their pets.  Some are "dog people" and some "cat people".  With my help, my humans have solved the conflict by becoming "cuddly toy people".

I've been thinking for a long time of all the reasons toy cats like me are better than real cats and I've finally decided to write it down.  I expect this is a post I wil edit as I add to the list.

1.           Cuddly toy cats don't need feeding.

2.           Cuddly toy cats don't demand to be let out of the house - only to ask to be let in again.

3.           Cuddly toy cats don't scratch the furniture, curtains or carpets.

4.           Cuddly toy cats don't need a litter tray.

5.           Since toy cats don't eat at all, they won't wait for you to fill their food bowl only to turn their noses up at anything less than the steak or fish you're eating.

6.           Toy cats don't prowl the kitchen looking for food to steal.

7.           Cuddly toy cats don't bring up hairballs on the carpet.

8.           Toy cats don't bring you little presents, like live mice and dead birds.

9.           When cuddly toy cats roll over to let you tickle their tummy, they lie back and enjoy it without suddenly trying to scratch your hand.

10.         Toy cats don't have to go to the vet or incur vet bills.

11.         You can take toy cats away on holiday (vacation) without injections, pet passports or quarantine.
12.         Alternatively, you can leave cuddly toy cats "home alone" without fear of prosecution from the RSPCA.

13.         Cuddly toy cats do not shed hair on your clothes.

14.         Cuddly toy cats really do love car rides . . .

15.         . . . and you can leave them in the car without leaving a window open for ventilation.       

16.         Cuddly toy cats don't wake up before you and start making a fuss of you to get up and feed them.

17.         Cuddly toy cats will lie on your lap without padding your legs down with their claws.

18.         Cuddly toy cats do not hiss and scratch when you move them off your favourite chair.

19.         Cuddly toy cats will let you put name tags or other things around their necks without developing allergies to anything but precious metals.

20.         Cuddly toy cats don't help themselves to what's left on your plate while you are distracted by the telephone.

21.         Cuddly toys are extremely patient.  You can put them in poses for any reason you like and they will wait for you.

22.         Cuddly toy cats will not hunt out the most awkward place to sit:  on the keyboard you want to play or on the operation scar that is still sore.     

23.         You can leave your Sunday newspaper next to a cuddly toy cat and it won't be shredded when you get back

24.         Cuddly toy cats don't wreck your newly planted bulbs by digging up the soft earth to make their little holes.

25.        Cuddly toy cats will not set off the motion sensors in your security system.
26.         If they have claws, the claws on a cuddly toy cat are soft and gentle.

27.         Cuddly toy cats are obedient.  They respond very well to the "stay" command.

28.         No tricks, no kidding:  cuddly toy cats really do love being cuddled.  And they don't even wriggle if you squeeze them just a little too hard.

29.         You never need to worry about the cuddly toy cat accidently climbing into the washing machine, sitting on the wheel of the car etc.  That's not to suggest cuddly toys like going in the washing machine but some people do it to them and sometimes they just come out cleaner.

30.         You can leave cuddly toy cats alone with cuddly toy dogs and they won't fight.

31.         Cuddly toy cats will not treat your other cuddly toys as things to play with and tear them to pieces.  Even cuddly toy mice are safe.

32.       Cuddly toy cats don't suffer from stress - or at least nobody tries to see you pills for them if they do.

33.       Cuddly toy cats grow old only as fast as you want them to.  If you want to call your 20 year old toy a kitten, that's fine.  And he will jump about and play with no more help from you than he needed when he was new.

That should be a long enough list to convince anyone.  Isn't it?


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