I've been thinking for a long time of all the reasons toy cats like me are better than real cats and I've finally decided to write it down. I expect this is a post I wil edit as I add to the list.
1. Cuddly toy cats don't need feeding.
2. Cuddly toy cats don't demand to be
let out of the house - only to ask to be let in again.
3. Cuddly toy cats don't scratch the
furniture, curtains or carpets.
4. Cuddly toy cats don't need a litter tray.
5. Since toy cats don't eat at all, they
won't wait for you to fill their food bowl only to turn their noses up at
anything less than the steak or fish you're eating.
6. Toy cats don't prowl the kitchen
looking for food to steal.
7. Cuddly toy cats don't bring up
hairballs on the carpet.
8. Toy cats don't bring you little
presents, like live mice and dead birds.
9. When cuddly toy cats roll over to let
you tickle their tummy, they lie back and enjoy it without suddenly trying to
scratch your hand.
10. Toy cats don't have to go to the vet or
incur vet bills.
11. You can take toy cats away on holiday
(vacation) without injections, pet passports or quarantine.
12. Alternatively, you can leave cuddly toy
cats "home alone" without fear of prosecution from the RSPCA.
13. Cuddly toy cats do not shed hair on
your clothes.
14. Cuddly toy cats really do love car
rides . . .
15. . . . and you can leave them in the car
without leaving a window open for ventilation.
16. Cuddly toy cats don't wake up before
you and start making a fuss of you to get up and feed them.
17. Cuddly toy cats will
lie on your lap without padding your legs down with their claws.
18. Cuddly toy cats do not hiss and scratch
when you move them off your favourite chair.
19. Cuddly toy cats will let you put name
tags or other things around their necks without developing allergies to
anything but precious metals.
20. Cuddly toy cats
don't help themselves to what's left on your plate while you are distracted by
the telephone.
21. Cuddly toys are extremely patient. You can put them in poses for any reason you
like and they will wait for you.
22. Cuddly toy cats will not hunt out the
most awkward place to sit: on the
keyboard you want to play or on the operation scar that is still sore.
23. You can leave your Sunday newspaper
next to a cuddly toy cat and it won't be shredded when you get back
24. Cuddly toy cats don't wreck your newly
planted bulbs by digging up the soft earth to make their little holes.
25. Cuddly toy cats will not set off the motion sensors in your security system.
26. If they have claws, the claws on a
cuddly toy cat are soft and gentle.
27. Cuddly toy cats are obedient. They respond very well to the
"stay" command.
28. No tricks, no kidding: cuddly toy cats really do love being
cuddled. And they don't even wriggle if
you squeeze them just a little too hard.
29. You never need to worry about the
cuddly toy cat accidently climbing into the washing machine, sitting on the
wheel of the car etc. That's not to
suggest cuddly toys like going in the washing machine but some people do it to
them and sometimes they just come out cleaner.
30. You can leave cuddly toy cats alone
with cuddly toy dogs and they won't fight.
31. Cuddly toy cats will not treat your
other cuddly toys as things to play with and tear them to pieces. Even cuddly toy mice are safe.
32. Cuddly toy cats don't suffer from stress - or at least nobody tries to see you pills for them if they do.
33. Cuddly toy cats grow old only as fast
as you want them to. If you want to call
your 20 year old toy a kitten, that's fine.
And he will jump about and play with no more help from you than he
needed when he was new.
That should be a long enough list to convince anyone. Isn't it?
Prrrr.
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